Here’s a question for you. What do you like to do for fun? Just YOU, don’t consider your spouse, your kids, your siblings or parents. If you can answer this without hesitation, I applaud you. When I was asked this question I had no idea how to answer it and that fact opened my eyes to the unhealthy reality that I had unknowingly created. I had manifested illness and ineffectiveness even while I thought I was living an ideal life. How did I do it? I gave away my personal power. I did it willingly, without even fighting for it because I didn’t understand what I was doing.
My “awakening” occurred while my husband and I were meeting with Carol Barbeau, a very talented and insightful astrologer whom we engaged to prepare relocation charts for us. I am knowledgeable about many areas of metaphysics, but at the time, all I knew about astrology was what I read in the horoscope column in the newspaper or on Yahoo. But, my husband and I both believed that we were destined to live in a special place for a particular reason and the question of where that place was had been bugging us for years. We were willing to resort to just about any method to get an answer.
Because I was unfamiliar with astrology, I didn’t realize that it has a language all its own and if you are uninitiated it’s almost impossible to translate. Poor Carol started talking and neither my husband nor I had any idea what she was telling us. She recognized our “deer in the headlights” look, took pity on us and started over, giving us a basic interpretation of our natal charts.
Carol has very intense eyes and during the meeting she kept staring at me and I couldn’t help but squirm just a bit. Did I mention earlier that she is insightful? Well, I should have used the term psychic because even though she doesn’t promote herself that way, she is one of the most intuitive people I know. Anyway, as she was interpreting my chart, she turned to me and asked, “Hon, what do you like to do for fun?”
Her question caught me off guard. I stared at her for a moment, my mind blank. She waited patiently as my mind raced. What do I like to do for fun? I had no idea. I turned to my husband and asked him, “What do we like to do for fun?”
But Carol wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily. She put her hand on my arm and said, “No, leave him out of it. What do YOU like to do for fun?”
No matter how hard I tried I could not answer her question. I shrugged and finally she went on with the rest of the information she had to give us, but from then on I wasn’t listening. My mind was completely taken with the question: What do I like to do for fun?
Since that time I have come up with a few answers to Carol’s question, but more importantly I’ve begun to answer the question of why I couldn’t answer her question. I know now that it’s because somewhere along the winding path of my adult life I had lost my personal power and didn’t even realize it.
Do you know what personal power is? I didn’t. That was my first step to reclaiming it. I had to identify what I’d lost.
Merriam-Webster’s doesn’t have a definition of personal power, but if you break down the components the definitions are; Personal – relating to or affecting a particular person, and Power – the ability to act or produce an effect. The Business Dictionary.com defines it as; Influence over others, the source of which resides in the person instead of being vested by the position he or she holds. Those definitions didn’t quite satisfy me so, like many of us living in the computer age, I Googled the term looking for a more spiritual meaning.
According to Robert Firestone, Ph.d.; The Human Experience; personal power is based on strength, confidence, and competence that individuals gradually acquire in the course of their development. It is self-assertion, and a natural, healthy striving for love, satisfaction and meaning in one’s interpersonal world. This type of power represents a movement toward self-realization and transcendent goals in life; its primary aim is mastery of self, not others. Personal power is more an attitude or state of mind than an attempt to maneuver or control others. It is based on competence, vision, positive personal qualities, and service. When externalized it is likely to be more generous, creative and humane than other forms of power.
That definition was better, but still didn’t seem to fit my life. What I liked best came from a course taught by Paul Richards of the Sente Center. He says that personal power is the ability to make a promise and fulfill it. This promise can be to others, but more importantly it is a promise made to yourself. Now that, to me, is personal power. You have control over every aspect in your life through the promises you make.
Metaphysically speaking there are many definitions of personal power and a startling number of courses, books, and methods being taught on how to attain and increase personal power. That fact made me realize that I probably wasn’t the only one seeking to regain my personal power.
As wives, mothers, husbands, fathers, employees and citizens we give away our personal power every day. We give it away in order to be accepted into the flock, into the society of our peers, our social circle. Why do we think we can’t be accepted if we’re strong and whole? What is it about the way we live that makes us believe we’re better off following than leading? What is it about our natures that cause us to give up something so vital in ourselves?
I believe it begins when we are very young and are forced to conform to our parents’ reality and view of proper behavior. They are the first ones we give our personal power to. It starts then and continues as we are molded by the school system into obedient beings who “don’t rock the boat,” as employees who work hard and don’t ask for too much and as citizens who don’t question our leaders who are ruining our country and poisoning our planet.
I think many of us, particularly women, don’t understand what personal power is and may even believe that it’s a bad thing, something we use to exert control over others. Actually, I’ve discovered that the opposite is true. Claiming your personal power does not make you domineering, instead it gives you a clear sense of your strength and the impact you can have on others. This actually enables you to be more sensitive to those you encounter in your daily life. When you realize that you are worthy and deserve to be heard you feel comfortable extending that respect to those around you. Embracing your personal power also gives you the ability to work toward your dreams and desires and allows you to take control of what you manifest in your life. There is no reason to be afraid or ashamed of fully owning your power.
So, my task each day is to make a promise and fulfill it. Sometimes I’m surprised by how difficult that is to do. Life just gets in the way. I admit that sometimes I fail to fulfill the promise, but I always strive to accomplish it. Have I regained my personal power? Absolutely! Do I know what I like to do for fun? Yes, and if I’m ever asked that question again I will answer it without hesitation.